You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
