LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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