things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
