I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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