i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
