So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
