I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
