I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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