Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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