When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize