think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
