is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize