I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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