is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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