i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
