so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They have beer where we have blood.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
