Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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