yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
