I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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