Non-Jews are for practice
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
