Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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