did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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