My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
