can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
