Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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