Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
