Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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