he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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