You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
