I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
