Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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