would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
