i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize