My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
