i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
