Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
