im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
