He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
