the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
