If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize