Swine flu. Run for my life!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
