so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just threw up on my dentist
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
