so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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