they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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