Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
