Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
