My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
