I can't watch pbs sober anymore
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
