If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
