I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
