I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
