Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think i have two assholes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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