He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
