I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize