On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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