textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
