when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
