What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
