Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
