Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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