So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
