Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
