I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
