There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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