Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
